Memories Are Scars That Never Heal
by deanandjo4ever1
Summary: Daryl past fic. This story takes place after the end of the last eposide aired. Heavy themes will be examined, volience drug use and abuse. Summary not as good as the story sorry. So eventually AU. Daryl had an ex and a child. Will he ever see them again. Warning: Rating will change. Daryl/OC.
1. Far From Home

A/N: This is my first ever Walking Dead fic, please be kind. I know I have a lot going on but I'm trying to balance them out. Sorry if your following me and I'm all over the place. Please read and review. All characters execpt McKenzie , Pepper, and Kandy belong to their owners. I'm just playing in their sandbox. Constructive Crits allways welcome. Lyrics belong to Five Finger Death Punch. This chapter was inspired by far from will not be a song fic. Lyrics used where they inspired me. Will eventually turn into a rating of M for more severe langague graphic content and sex later.

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**The memories are shadows ink on the page and I can't seem to find my way home.**

_He took the baby in his arms and began to rock her. Beth handed him the bottle and it was like he had never forgotten how it felt. He looked up and smilied warmly at Beth like he had her in the past. He wanted to stay in that moment forever. Looking at his little ass kicker he couldn't let her go. He would do anything to protect this child. It was as if she was his. She needed him. His little ass kicker looked up at him and smiled, tears filled his eyes. This was the hope and joy that the group needed._

Daryl came out of the memory to being slapped in the face by his big brother. "What the fuck are you doin this for Merle?" Daryl said as he spit a mouth full of blood in his face. "Cause little brother you didn't look hard enough for me or you would have found me. I have it good hear to reclaim my place I have to do this little brother. I don't really want to but..." he walked behind his brother where he was changed in the middle of the room and kidney shot him as hard as he could. Daryl refused to yell out in pain, even though it hurt like a son of bitch. He always knew when he saw his brother again, that he would have to make a choice and in this moment he chose, his family that he had made. He chose Judith.

_Oh my God, how I'm going to tell the others that I lost him. Daryl he was their rock when I was out of my head. He had stepped up and took care of my child, my little girl when I had been too weak to do it. He had risked himself to make sure she had fomurla and diapers and clothes. He had been there for her, and Carl when I couldn't._

Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, and Rick walked into their home, heads held low in defeat. Carol was the first to meet them at the door. "Where is Oscar and Daryl?" she asked. Rick hung his head and Glenn held onto Maggie as she cried. The new woman of the group just stood there like the warrior that she was.

_This can't be happening! My rock, the person I look to the most, my friend. The first person I learned to trust completly. He's gone._

"What happend?" Carol choked out around the tears. Rick couldn't speak, he went to his son and hugged the brave young man. Hershel walked over and laid his hand on the man that they had all came to respect as their leader, the one to keep them safe. Rick hugged the older man and the damn broke. They had all seen him when he lost Lori and this was too soon for him. They all execpted that Daryl was dead. Maggie spoke above the rest. "We got pinned down by the Governer's men. Daryl offered to lay down coverfire. Rick tried to stop him." she had to pause because the tears rolling down her face was too much for her to take. Glenn walked up to the woman he loved and held her. "He told Rick to get us out of there and to go. He woulnd't leave we all tried to make him, but that dumbass wouldn't have it. We scaled the wall, Daryl tried to make it over, but they grabbed him. We had to drag Rick away. We will get him back I promise. And Oscar was killed while we were escaping." Glenn finished, a fercicness in his eyes as he stated the last. He was not going to bury another friend, or feel another empty grave in memory of one of them. They had lost Sophia, Dale, Lori, and Shane, now was not the time to lose someone else they carried about.

_Please father let him return safe. He's a good man. We need him. He's kept his going when everything else collapsed. I pray for his safe return. Amen._

As Hershel lay in his bed that night and said his prayers, his mind kept drifting back to that night when Daryl first held Judith. He looked like a father holding his child for the first time. He wondered on the boy's past often. He remembered when Sophia wondered out of the barn, the haunted lost look in his eyes. Tears glimmered in them, as if he was losing his own child. He often wanted to ask about it, but could never find the right moment. He knew that he was a man of action and doing, but underneath all of that was an honset to God great man. He was thankful that he still had his two daughters and man that he would love to one day call son. They were family now.

_He's gone. We ain't getting him back. I lost my mom, my dad is insane, Shane is dead. Sophia gone. I felt like when he was around that someone would protect me. He was the first person I told what I did that day for my mom. I loved him. If he's gone then I will half to step up and lead them on._

Carl was taking his watch shift, thinking back on Daryl. He remebered the first time that Daryl noticed his gun being carried by Carl. "Boy what the shit you doing with him gun?" He asked trying to show anger when amusement was trying to overtake. "I took it, to protect myself and the camp." Carl had said shyly. He was still a little afraid of the rough redneck. "Fuck boy shoulda told me and I would have giving it to ya." Daryl had smack him in the back of the head playfuly and dismissed him. Carl had grown to love the man like an uncle.

**A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams, the faces of people I'll never see again and I can't seem to find my way home.**

_"Daryl meet us at the hospital!" Pepper was all but yelling at the man on the other line. "What's wrong is it the baby?" he asked concern in his voice and fear pulling at his mind. "Kandy's in labor. Mackenzie is coming Daryl and from what I can see soon." the woman responded with glee in her voice. Daryl hung up the phone, went and jumped on his bike and hauled ass toward the hospital, his little girl was being born._

Daryl came too out of the dream, he had tears in his eyes as he thought of those days. He didn't like to think on it too much because his little girl would be turning thirteen soon, and he had not seen her since she was eight, that was last time that Pepper could sneak her up to see him. Slowly he drifted from the memory and remembered where he was and what was going on. Apparntly his brother was to kill him slowly, because there was no lights on and he was only changed from the celling in the middle of an introgation room. He knew he had to think quick to get out. He couldn't believe that his brother had chosen a man as evil as this Governor over his own kin. Andrea had been there, and had stood up, but she was quickly silenced by the man. Damn it he was in enemy territory and had no allies.


	2. Over and Over

A/N sorry for the long update periods, I have several stories that I'm working on and there all multi chaps. I'm sorry for my followers. I saw the previews for the new episodes let me know if you want me to eventually have Beth with Rick. The song that inspired this chapter was Over and Over by Three Days Grace.

Chapter 2

Over and Over

**It's all the same I'm the one to blame.**

"Damn it!" Rick screamed as he threw a chair across the cafeteria in rage. He had lost another member of his group, his best friend. Daryl had became his back up, best friend, and the one person he could count on since the night the farm was over taking. When Rick thought on it, it was probably the night that he had taking his gun and put Dale out of his pain. He had left him there, allowed Michonne and Maggie to drag him away. He wasn't a leader why was he put in a place that made him one, he was just a man trying to provide for the two children that was left for him to fend for and build a home for the people he had came to love like his family. He fell to his knees as memories of the past over took him.

**So many thoughts I can't get out of my head. **

"_Daryl can I talk to you for a minute?" Rick asked he needed someone to look to for advice as a second, someone he could depend on, for some reason he knew that he could find that in Daryl. "Sure what is man?" Daryl asked chewing on his thumb nervously. "You agree with me on what I did with Shane right, you understand?" Rick needed someone to see things his way. Everyone had been walking around him like they was on eggshells and he would go off at any minute, all execpt Daryl. "Yeah man. Hell I woulda done it a lot sooner if it was me. Soon as I saw that his tracks were all over Randall's and I heard the shot, I went to check on the rest of the group and I knew when you wasn't there that someone had just killed the other. You was right Rick." Daryl told the older man, clapping him on the back. _

The flashback only fueled the man's anger. He had to get him back, even if it meant his life he had lost too much already. His best friend, brother Shane, he had taken his life to protect his life and his family, a little girl that he had let down, his wife, he had tried to fix it he really had. He was not about to lose this man, not another member of his family. He needed to find him. He knew that if he didn't no one else could protect his family.

Daryl's mouth was dry and his body ached something terrible, his own brother had beaten him to a bloody pulp. Why would his brother do something like that, to stay in place that was so wrong. Glenn had been beaten almost to death, from what Daryl understood by Merle, and he was pretty sure from pieces of conversation that was being had while trying to escape that Maggie had been raped or at least almost. A man walked in wearing an eye patch holding a large hunting knife. Daryl knew that this was going to be painful.

"_You guys go ahead I'm gonna lay down some cover fire." Daryl said as he handed a gun to Glenn. "No we've got to stay together." _

Maggie sat up in cold sweat from a nightmare. It had only been a day or so since Daryl had been left behind, and it plagued her. He was her friend and she carried about the man as if he was a brother. She wanted him home safe but she knew that she was in no condition to go on a rescue with Rick when Glenn needed her there. She felt so helpless and that was a feeling Maggie Greene did not enjoy. She flashed to the day that she and Daryl had went after the formula for Judith.

_As they were leaving the daycare Maggie stopped beside the cribs and doubled over in tears. Daryl walked over to her and awkwardly placed a hand on her shoulder. "Ya alright?" he asked gruffly. "No. But I will be. I had to cut her open while she was alive, I heard her scream." Maggie sobbed out. Daryl bent down next to the her and hugged her awkwardly. "Come on we need ta get back before dark." He helped her stand and crawl back through the window. His hands never left her back until they reached his bike. _

Maggie missed the rough redneck and she was terrified that she would never see him again. She needed to talk to Rick about a plan, maybe that Michonne girl, and Axel could go with him, but they couldn't afford emotionally right now to fill another empty grave. Daryl was her friend, and she was not letting him go without a fight, and she knew the rest of the group felt the same.


	3. If I Fall

4A/N: This will be a very dark chapter. Warning strong abuse, torture, and drug use. Inspired by If I Fall by Five Finger Death Punch.

Chapter 3

If I Fall

**I stand for something the blood on my hands and the broken bones I live in. Knife in my back you can't take it back.**

Daryl had been beaten within an inch of his life for the past day or so. He wasn't sure, all he knew was that it was beginning to be to much. He knew that they would try and get information out of him before they killed him, and he knew that he would never open his mouth and so his death would be painful. Surprisingly the man with the eye patch had not touched him just came in and inspected him. He heard the heavy metal door open and heavy footsteps approach. He had lived with those footsteps for so long he knew his brother was the one coming. "Little brother how bout you tell me who's in charge or your little prison group?" Merle asked as he backhanded his little brother. "GO. Fuck. Yourself." Daryl said in a gravely voice. "Is officer friendly still leading the group?" Merle asked as he took out what looked like a small scalpel. "I don't know no officer friendly." Daryl responded, knowing he was talking about Rick, but not wanting to let Merle know he understood. Merle took the scalpel and sliced his side a little bit, just enough to let the blood flow and sting like a son of a bitch. "Let's try that answer again little brother, are you Rick's bitch?" Merle said with a sadistic smile on his lips, he was enjoying this. "Ain't nobody's bitch. Are you the governor's bitch?" Daryl retreated. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he knew that it might have been a bad choice, or maybe he would just kill him or knock him out. Merle drew back his fist and smashed it into his brothers face and knocked him into unconscious.

"_God damn it. Kandy what have you done this time?" Daryl yelled. He had come in to see his nine month old daughter in the same sleeper and diaper that she had been when he had left to go to the shop that day. Kandy was zoned out of her head laying on the couch, needle still in her arm. She didn't even move when Daryl had walked into the house or flinch when he yelled at her. He went to his daughter and cleaned her up, got her in a clean sleeper and fixed her a bottle knowing she would drink at least one to two more. After Mack was taking care of he called Pepper Ann, Kandy's sister she was a RN and would know what to do. "Pepper can ya come over?" Daryl said, you could hear the desperation in his voice. "What has she done this time?" Pepper asked the anger flaring in her voice. "She's overdosed again." Daryl responded. "I'm on my way, is Mack okay?" Pepper asked, Daryl could hear her getting her things. "She is now. Are you still working 3-11 at the hospital?" Daryl asked, he knew that he couldn't leave his little girl alone with Kandy any longer, it had never been this bad before. "Yeah why babe?" She asked. "I'll talk to Dean and switch to 6-2 if you'll keep Mack while I work, and I guess I'll ask Taz and his old lady to watch her on the weekends while I roof." Daryl said. It was getting to be too much on him. _

**If I fall fuck you all, I'm taking everybody out. If I fall. **

Daryl came too from the awful memory the only thing he could choke out was "Mackenzie." Merle had waited in the room for him to come to. "You daughter's dead you know that. That bitch probably did it as soon as the outbreak hit." Merle said venomously. Daryl wanted to scream and curse his brother but he waited we knew that if he didn't act quick that he was going to die soon. Merle walked up and got right in Daryl's face, thinking maybe he had finally cracked him. Daryl waited and he brought his head back and head butted the man, then with what strength he had he brought his legs up and kicked him as hard as he could in the nose. He then broke his thumbs and slipped the rope that was keeping him tied up, grabbed a knife from his brother and went to slit his throat. A gun shot rang out from behind and Daryl dropped like a rock. He had been hit in the right shoulder blade. The last thing that Daryl remembered was that it hurt like hell, then the world went dark.


	4. Friends And Family

A/N: Sorry for the long update I have been quite busy and now I'm betaing, and there is no lyrics for this as I could not find a song that fit.

Chapter 4 Friends and Family

Three days had past since Daryl had been captured at Woodbury, and Rick knew that they was loosing time, it may have already been too late. The first day they had all sat around and talked about doing something and grieving at the same time. The second day Rick made a deal with the new people, Tyresse would help them recover Daryl and for that his people would be made part of their group and promised safety. The third day, Rick got the people he was taking ready to go with him, Michonne, Maggie, and Tyresse. They trained and taught the two new people their formation. The plan was wait for night to fall, Michonne and Maggie would sneak over the wall and stealthy take out all of the guards they could, while Tyresse and Rick went to get Daryl out.

They pulled the car up to the same spot that Michonne had lead them to originally and stopped. They walked in complete silence everyone's thoughts on something different. Rick thought on the conversations that he and the younger man had, had. Daryl was the brother that Rick needed and always wanted. Maggie thought on the kindness in his eyes and hope that he had while he took Judith from Carl and fed her, her first bottle. Maggie had to fight as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Michonne and Tyresse both had similar thoughts that they needed to get this man out alive so that they could be accepted.

Night had fallen and darkness hung over Rick and his small rescue group like a cloak. Maggie and Michonne were under the wall where they had entered the first time. They killed their way silently to the door where Glenn and Maggie had been kept, they waited in the darkness for Rick and Tyresse, and silently prayed Daryl could walk out of there.

As Tyresse and Rick approached Michonne opened to door slowly. The room they entered was dark and dank, hardly anything was visible. They heard groaning in the corner of the room. Rick swallowed hard afraid of the worst. Maggie fought back a sob. Cautiously Rick approached the figure that was moaning.

It was Daryl. He rolled the man over slowly and the sight that met his eyes enraged the sheriff, his friend had been beaten, cut on, and shot. The gunshot wound had gauze tapped over it but nothing else. Apparently he was supposed to bleed out from this wound, and it looked like it was working. The blood had slowed to a dark ooze but still refused to quit, alerting Rick that he was bleeding internally. Rick got the barely conscious man's attention. "I'm here brother. I'm here." He said soothing him, grasping his hand in a brotherly handshake. "Maggie he's alive, but he can't walk out of here." Maggie rushed over and sobbed at the sight of her friend as she gently hugged him. Daryl opened his right eye, the one not swollen shut. He swallowed several times before finally managing to speak. "Don…Don't cry." He swallowed again, internal bleeding was an issue you could hear the gurgling. "Maggs. I'll live." He passed out again from the pain. Maggie and Rick hefted him up and started to carry him toward the door. Tyresse and Michonne was covering them, when Tyresse and Michonne saw the severity of Daryl's wounds Michonne cursed under her breath and Tyresse rushed forward and took Daryl from Rick and Maggie and put him in a fireman's hold.

The managed to sneak back out of Woodbury unnoticed by anyone and get Daryl to the car. Rick stopped everyone and issued orders Tyresse was to drive and Michonne ride up front, Rick and Maggie would sit in the back with Daryl. After everyone was settled the drive on began. Daryl moaned in pain as they hit a bump. "Sssh. Daryl were almost home." Maggie soothed.

Slowly they pulled up to the gates and watched as Glenn and Carol pulled them open. Tyresse drove the car as quickly as he could up to the prison. Carol opened to door and a sob escaped her lips. Rick got out of the car leaving Daryl's head in Maggie's lap, "Carol are you with me?" He asked as he heard Glenn swear. "What do you need?" She said with tears in her voice. "Tell Hershel that its bad he's been shot and there is internal bleeding and to get ready." Carol rushed off to do as she was told. Rick called out to Glenn "Glenn I need you to go get the cart you used as a stretcher for Hershel and bring it outside so we can get him in a little better than we got him out." Glenn took off to do as he was instructed. "Dad is he going to be okay?" Carl asked tears in his eyes. "I don't know son, I really don't," The sheriff said as he hugged his little boy.

Hershel Maggie and Carol had worked on Daryl for three hours, the bullet had went clean through the shoulder, nicking the left lung, he had twenty six cuts and eight of them required stitches, and the bruising was going to have to heal on its on, his ribs were all broken on the left side, but they would heal and the breaks had not caused anymore damage to any organs. Daryl looked pale as he lay in the back part of the cell that had been deemed their medical area. Hershel hobbled out after checking on him one last time, Rick and Glenn both stepped forward to ask about the condition of their friend. "He's lost a lot of blood and we don't know his type so we a going to have to make due until he can tell us. We stopped the lung from bleeding. He has over forty stitches and more bruises than I could count. And all the ribs on his left side are broken. He's critical but stable." the old man finished, looking more tired than they had seen him in a long time. "We need to set up a watch in case anything happens in the night. Four hour watch. I'll take first." Rick stated. "No Rick. I'll take it. You and Maggie went and got him. I want to set with him first." Glenn said, it was the least he could do for his friend.

Glenn sat with an unconscious Daryl and prayed for the second time in his life. He hoped that God heard it this time, because the last time he had prayed it had not turned out the way he wanted. Daryl stirred briefly "Mac." was all the man said. "Daryl can you hear me?" Glenn asked not understanding what he had said. "Glenn." Daryl said weakly. "Yeah man its me. How are you holding up?" Glenn asked moving closer so that Daryl would not have to talk so loud. "Feel like shit." Daryl responded.

Glenn was expecting Rick to come relive him, he was supposed to take next watch so he was surprised when Carl walked in. "Hey what are you doing here?" Glenn asked shocked. "Dad is finally sleeping and Beth has the baby. I didn't want to wake Maggie so I decided to come myself." Carl answered. "Okay." Glenn got up and left.

Carl sat beside Daryl for several minutes not knowing what to do so he decided to talk. "Thank you Daryl for keeping an eye on my dad. It meant a lot to me. Not many people keep promises now days." Carl had tears in his voice as he spoke to what he thought was his unconscious friend. "Hey kid." Daryl rasped out. "Daryl! Do you need anything?" "No. Other than ta tell ya that I'll try and never break a promise to ya son." Daryl said as he reached his hand and patted the young boy's knee. "Don't ya need to be in bed kid?" Daryl asked. Carl smiled to himself even all but on his death bed Daryl was more concerned about him than his own self. "Nope dad is sleeping and Maggie too. They haven't slept much since you got taken. I offered to take this watch instead of waking anyone else." Carl said sheepishly. He would never tell the older man but he just wanted someone with a comforting presence near him. Since his mom had died Rick and been off and not really spent much time with him but Daryl had made time for him.

Morning broke before anyone had came to release Carl of his duty so he had fallen asleep in the chair next his friend. Carol was the first one up, as she or Beth were these days, due to Little Ass Kicker. Carol walked by and saw Carl asleep and Daryl resting a little easier than he had been last night. Carol smiled to herself. She walked into the cell and laid a blanket over Carl and tucked Daryl in a little better. "Morning Sunshine." Daryl said gruffly as he grabbed her arm. "Morning sleeping beauty." She teased back they were best friends in this world. "See the kid stayed in here all night." Daryl said nodding toward Carl. "He loves you. You know while you were gone I would hear him crying and praying that you would come back." Carol said as she ran a hand through the sleeping boy's hair. He didn't even stir. It was probably the best night sleep he had gotten since the day his mother died. "I love the rascal too. I wonder if mine would be as good as him." Daryl said longing. "If you ever find the right woman your kids would be amazing." Carol misunderstood the last statement, he had a daughter close to Beth's age and he loved her dearly and had not seen her since she was Carl's age. All he could pray for know was that Pepper Ann had gotten McKenzie and Kandy out.

Daryl felt his heart grow heavy he knew that he would more than likely never see his daughter and the love of his life ever again, probably killed when this damned virus hit. Daryl swore under his breath, his mother had been a lousy drunk, his father an abusive bastard, his brother had just tried to kill him, and his daughter was probably dead. All his blood had turned on him or was dead, then he realized that blood doesn't matter that family is who takes care of you, and he had a large one right here where he was healing from the last blood he had.

Later that night Carol took first watch with Daryl since everyone else was exhausted. Carol sat down in the chair that was in his cell. About one in the morning Daryl woke up having a nightmare, calling out a name McKenzie. "Daryl. Daryl. Daryl!" Carol grabbed him by the shoulders and gently shook him. "Its me Daryl." It took him a minute to realize who had a hold of him. "Carol." he said, and sounded like a small scared child. "It's me. Do you want to talk about it?' She coaxed him gently. Daryl didn't understand why, but he felt the urge to get it off his chest and besides Rick, Carol was his best friend. "McKenzie is my daughter. I haven't seen her in since she was Carl's age, if she is still alive she would be about eighteen." Daryl stopped the memory of his child broke his heart. "You must have been young when she was born?" Carol asked encouraging him to go on. "I was eighteen. I was with the a girl from high school named Kandy. I loved er for a while." "What happened?' "Kandy started stripping when she was 21 and Merle got her hooked on the shit, I stayed with her as long as I could. I came home and found her in bed with Merle when Mac was about six. I figured if she was gonna fuck my brother, I was gonna fuck her sister, then Pepper Ann and I fell in love. Kandy got clean and ran off, we never married. Pepper would sneak her down to see me, than Kandy found out and I haven't seen her since." Daryl finished tears threatening to spell from his eyes and you could hear the pain in his voice. "Daryl. I'm sorry I didn't know." She hugged the man as tears fell unchecked down her checks. "Is that why you believed Sophia was alive and you looked so hard for her?" Carol knew it wasn't fair to ask but she needed to know to understand. "Yeah. I couldn't lose another little girl and if anything ever happened to Little Asskicker I think I would lose my mind." Carol knew that children had always held a special place in Daryl's heart and now she understood why.


End file.
